Why didn’t God stop my father, if God is in control of EVERYTHING? If God is in control of EVERYTHING, then why was I abused? Why were you abused? Why do some people die in car accidents but others are spared? Why didn’t God stop my father from tying me up under that church leaving me there? Why was my father given free liberty to do to me as he pleased, if God is in control?
Oh, the hurt in our souls. The cries from the depths of our spirit, wanting to be free, but being left with horrid memories that taunt us and continually tell us we will never be free, we will never be clean, we will always be damaged goods. Then each of us, in our own time, will all eventually get to that one question….Why didn’t God stop it? We feel guilty for asking that big question and feel that we have lessened God’s love for us, just by asking it. It feels like there is no way out!
“Don’t give up!” I say. I am living proof that I was not zapped out of existence the minute I asked those tough questions. Actually I think I yelled a few of them at God, O.K., maybe more than a few. And now here I am putting them in writing for everyone to read!
Before I go any further it is IMPORTANT for you to know that you ARE NOT damaged goods, you ARE NOT in bondage to the past. Those are lies from satan, who wants to keep you down.
God loves us and He is alright with us asking tough questions. Even Jesus asked, in the garden of Gethsemane, to be spared of the horrible trauma and death that was just around the corner. “Father, take this cup from me.” He pleaded to God.
I have written below some of the insights that I have gained and scriptures that helped.
Why was my father given free liberty to do to me as he pleased if God was in control?
1) God has given Freedom to EVERYONE! Freedom comes at a cost. Yes, people, the freedom to make mistakes, the freedom to try again to overcome those mistakes.
Galatians 5:13 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not
use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.
2) God has given Choices to EVERYONE! God loves us so much that He has given us the ability to make our own choices – even though they may affect others in a negative way.
1 Corinthians 10:31. So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
James 1:15 Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.
3) God has given Time to EVERYONE! Our Father in heaven is patient, beyond anything we can imagine. How else do you explain why He hasn’t finished us all off yet?
2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
4) God is a fair and a just God to EVERYONE! Yes to the abuser and to us also. Just because we have been abused doesn’t mean we get a free pass card. We also will have to account for our actions and time here on earth.
Acts 10:34 So Peter opened his mouth and said: “Truly I understand that God shows no partiality, If God were to take away freedom, choices and time away from my earthly father, He would have to also take those away from you and I, because He is a fair and just God.
Side Note: I took a pencil from a classmate in 4th grade. I stole something and if God hadn’t allowed us to make choices, work through the bad decisions and have a chance to ask forgiveness, I would have been a puff of smoke right there in the isle of that class room. Could you imagine that when someone makes a mistake they go out instantly in a puff of smoke?
There would be puffs of smoke all around us. We ourselves would be able to stand and watch because we are so perfect that we would never go out in a puff of smoke, right? (I’m being sarcastic here.) Not one of us would have been spared. The earth would be void of all human life.
We want the freedom to make choices and make mistakes and have God give us time to grow and change, but we don’t think that our abusers should have the same privilege. “They don’t deserve it!” our insides scream. Don’t get me wrong. I am no saint. I am writing this to myself more than I am writing it to any of you. It has taken me years to work on this.
To be honest, there was a time that I wanted my father to not make it to heaven. I worked through it or so I thought in my simple mind and finally came to this conclusion.
“Alright, God,” I announced as I proudly came up with a solution. “you can let dad into heaven,” as if I had any say in it “but leave me out.” I don’t want him to go to hell, but I don’t want to be abused for eternity either. This is for another time.
Back to my original question: Why Didn’t God Stop My Father?
God did not zap my father out of existence because God gives ALL of us, including the abusers, freedom to choose, time to change and the freedom and time to work through their own damaged hearts so that they can turn to God. God’s desire is for no one to perish.
2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
Isaiah 14:24 The Lord of hosts has sworn: “As I have planned, so shall it be, and as I have purposed, so shall it stand.” God has the power to stop or allow everything and anything. But He doesn’t wield that power around frivolously. God sees the big picture – we don’t.
God may not have stopped my father from abusing me, but He protected my soul. Remember the beautiful being in that crawl space cradling and protecting something soft and brown? Also, He protected me when that man came into the church when dad had me tied up under there. Because of him, I wasn’t sexually abused that day. By creating our brains in such a way, God protected me until I was old enough to work through it all. During the end of my therapy, working through the satanic ritual, don’t forget how God bellowed, “Enough, she is mine!”
That my friend is a true Father.
Cheryl
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